he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
