She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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