At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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