Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
