If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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