My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
two words...techno handjob
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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