I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
