Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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