turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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