I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
