at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize