Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
