onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
