I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
