I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
