I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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