Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
