i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
