i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
