The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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