Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
