I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
