When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
