i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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