May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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