He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
