She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
