you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
