Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
