It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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