I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
