I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
