the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
