I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
