I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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