Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
