Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
