remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
