you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
