i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
