When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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