can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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