and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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