He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
