omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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