Soap is not a condiment
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
