The brown eye won't let me do that either.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
