Non-Jews are for practice
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
