I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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