No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
