my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
