No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
