I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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