He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
