you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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