my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You were trust falling into bushes
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
