She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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