Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
