Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
