My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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