Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
