FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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