I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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