Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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