The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
