If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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