I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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