It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
