i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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